the contemplative writer

Until the last resilient hope 

is frozen deep inside my bones 

And this broken fate has claimed me

and my memories for its own


No Se Preocupe

tonight i’ll leave the safe confines of this city

and with me, i’ll take all that you’ve brought with you

as you walked into my life

all the things i’ve learned and the things i’ve figured out

all of it i’ll keep with me and leave nothing to the curious mind;

except you, because you’ll know and you’ll also stay behind

but that doesn’t mean you’ll be forgotten or replaced

because as long as i have with me

the memories of our short lived days

i swear beyond despair that

not a single soul will take your place


I Wasn’t Even Looking..

The universe is rather confusing.

You spend weeks.. months.. even years, waiting for something to happen but it never does. It never comes, the universe never gives it to you no matter how hard you pray, or ask, or wish.

But sometimes, when the universe is generous enough to reward your ravaged soul for maybe being patient, or maybe having been able to withstand everything it has put you through, or maybe you just got chosen out of luck, sometimes.. you don’t even need to wait.

Sometimes, you aren’t even waiting for a good thing to come when it is given to you.. it’s just handed to you on a shining silver platter. And you wouldn’t understand why immediately. You’d think, is this a reward? What did I do to deserve this? Why am I being given something so good when I wasn’t even looking? Initially, it comes as a shock, like when a ray of sunshine hits your face after a ravaging storm. It surprises you but the warmth soothes the cold that has engulfed you for days, the warmth reaches deep within your bones and it’s a sensation you’ve never felt before. It makes you feel all warm, like a wave of electricity is flowing through your veins. And yes, it is a beautiful surprise. So beautiful that you can’t stop revelling in it, because who knew? Who knew that when you least expected it, something as beautiful as this would be given to you out of thin air? Something so wonderful that it has got you awestruck, stuck in a daze, daydreaming for days.

The rarity of it all is quite scary, though. It’s a once in a lifetime kind of thing, and not everyone gets a shot at it because it’s not something that happens to most people. And upon realizing this, of course you’d feel the need to treasure what’s given to you, like a precious diamond necklace your father gave you on your sixteenth birthday. Something as beautiful and as rare as this should be taken care of, it’s also something you wouldn’t want to take for granted because upon spending your days thinking of it, you realize just how much you’d want this to last.

But with us being people, messing up is inevitable. It’s human nature for us to make mistakes but maybe, just maybe, mistakes can be avoided when dealing with something as valuable as this. More often than not, we waste what we are given because we don’t know its true value. What’s refreshing though, is that with this, you know. And the chances of you wasting something as wonderful as this are thinner than the air at the peak of the world’s highest mountain.

See, there are certain things which we just cannot mess up, and I swear, this is one of them. So let’s be smart about this one, because I’m pretty sure we won’t ever get a chance at something as sensational as this again, no matter how many lifetimes we cross. After all, it’s not everyday the universe surprises you with something you didn’t think you wanted until it was given to you.

This is probably a once in a blue moon kind of thing, and I think you know that, too.





Have you ever had something so wonderful that it made you feel like you were floating?

In Our Hearts 

We thought of you with love today, 

But that is nothing new. 

We thought about you yesterday,

And days before that, too.

We think of you in silence,

We often speak your name.

Now all we have is memories,

And your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake,

With which we’ll never part.

God has you in his keeping,

We have you in our heart.

Rest now, Papa. I will hold you in my heart forever. 


Talk Me Down

Screen Shot 2016-06-11 at 4.32.51 AM
The less time that I spend with you, the less you need to heal
It's too late for apologies 

They can't bring back what you've taken from me

“Do not stand in my grave and cry,

I am not there

I did not die.”

This one’s for those who are insecure but shouldn’t be..

I don’t think you know how beautiful you are.

You hate your eyes because they may be too big or too small, but you don’t know how they shine much like the stars when you talk about something you are deeply passionate about.

You hate your lips because they may be too thin or too plump, but you don’t know how alluring they are especially when it curves whenever you smile a real smile.

You hate your stomach because it may be too flabby or too boney, but you don’t realize how unrealistic your expectations are for yourself.

You hate your thighs because you wish you did or didn’t have thigh gaps, but you don’t know how perfectly fine you look the way you are right now.

You hate your body because it isn’t the body you dream of having, but what you don’t know is that you are beautiful with all your scars, all your “imperfections” and “flaws.” You’re beautiful even with all your insecurities. You’re beautiful because you are you, and even with a world population of seven billion, no one can be you but yourself. The parts and features you consider your imperfections are those that make you unique.

Stop comparing yourself to the faces and bodies that fuel your insecurities. Stop comparing yourself to what is being portrayed as beautiful. Stop trying to reach our messed up society’s definition of “perfection” because there is none. Perfection is nothing but a mere concept, nothing but an impossible to reach standard set for men and women. It is nothing but a word that has damaged and continue to damage and shoot down one’s self love and confidence. And beauty is nothing but a string of letters used to define one’s appearance. What you should remember is that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and looks. It is not skinny or curvy, tall or short, black or white, but rather, skinny and curvy, tall and short, black and white.

We all have something we don’t like about ourselves, there are parts we wish to change, reduce or enhance. But darling, self loathe will bring you nowhere. Don’t let yourself drown in a pool of negativity towards yourself. It may be hard considering how judgmental people are, but remember that you are your own support system. Everyone else is out to bring you down, so don’t jump on that bandwagon. Love yourself because you deserve to be loved. Empower yourself and you will see how much you will change, in a good way. That is one key. The other is to surround yourself with people who bring you nothing but positivity, people who support you, encourage you, and above all else, accept and love you.

One of my friends got me tongue tied; she asked why I was such a hypocrite. And so I asked her why she thought I was one, and her answer got me thinking..

She said, “You always tell me to love myself, and you hate it whenever I tell you about how much I hate a certain part of me. You’d always tell me how beautiful I am and that I don’t need to change a thing. But you, I always hear you saying you hate your stomach or your arms. And whenever I compliment you, you never accept nor believe it, you always just look at the ground. So yes, you are a hypocrite.”

And she was right. I hate it when people loathe themselves, when people think they aren’t pleasing to look at, when people think they’re ugly because of their flaws. I hate it. I hate seeing posts or hearing them say how they hate their eyes or lips or hips or thighs. I hate seeing people letting society dictate the way they feel about themselves. It makes me sad.

She was also right, because I do hate myself. I am not comfortable in my own skin. I have lots of insecurities. I don’t like my stomach, my arms, my thighs and a lot more. I stare at myself in the mirror just hating what I see and hoping I could change my appearance in an instant because I am so tired of not being able to love myself. So yes, that does make me a hypocrite; but in my defense, hating my own self is far easier than watching other people do it to themselves.

I am learning, though. I’m starting to be a little more positive, and with each day that passes, I’m learning to accept my flaws, I’m starting to love myself a little more as well. And I know it will be a long journey to a place where I fully love who and what I am, but I will get there. I’ve come so far from who I was before, I’m not stopping now.

My question is, have you started on that journey? If not, then you should. It will bring you better and far brighter days.

Don’t compare yourself to the photos you see online, the models you see in magazines, or the celebrities you watch on television. Just like you, they too have their imperfections, they too can be insecure, because they too are just human. What matters is that you accept what you consider as your flaws, and learn to love them. Don’t listen to those who try to tell you how ugly you are, they’re just trying to get inside your head, and you shouldn’t let them win. You are beautiful, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Don’t let our society dictate how you should feel about yourself. Don’t let it control the way you view yourself as an individual. Your body and appearance do not and should not reflect your value as a person. Keep in mind that it is not you that is flawed, it is our society. 

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